Saturday, 13 December 2014

We're Gonna Find Out Who's Naughty Or Nice!

True story with two equally surprising endings.
(Warning: one unpleasant word will be used)

Yesterday I was in a check-out queue. It was Christmas shopping time and crowded.
I had two items, the lady behind me had an overflowing basket which seemed quite heavy.
I told her to go ahead of me and stood aside.
She said: Thank you. You don't see kindness like that too often now.
I said: Don't mention it. Merry Christmas.
As she unpacked her items she turned to me and said:
You know, earlier today when I was on a bus coming to the shopping centre. I was at the back with a lot of other Christmas shoppers. The bus was just about full and an old man with a cane got on and stood in the middle of the bus near where she was seated.
Two well dressed twenty-something women were on seats right beside him.
As the bus moved, it was clear he was tottering and had to hang on as the bus made him sway. Him steading himself with his cane while holding onto the rail.
One of the women looked up and began to stand to offer him her seat.
The other pushed her back down and said loudly.
"DON'T!  Sit down! Men will think they deserve to be treated nicely by us!

ENDING #1:
Just after the young woman on the bus said that, a very elderly woman who was seated directly behind her gave her a huge clip over the back of the head and stated "You don't represent ME bi*ch!
The bus cheered.
The really old lady gave up her seat to the man.
The two young women remined seated and engaged with their smartphones.

ENDING #2:
After hearing this recount I told the woman at the checkout that was an interesting story.
The young girl at the cash register who had also heard the story made an out loud and indignant comment:
"What a horrible old woman. Those poor girls didn't deserve to be treated like that. They have rights you know!"

I walked away leaving my purchases at the counter, shaking my head.

Merry Christmas.

Tuesday, 25 November 2014

Hey Steve - A tribute to Steve Morton - the Fifth Beatle

 
Hey Steve
(sung to The Beatles song – Hey Jude)

Hey Steve, I’m feeling sad
Bought a Filo from Pens and Leather
The rings have gaps the size of Brazil
How do I sta-art to make it better?

Hey Steve, my pen loop broke,
Tried to stretch it with lubrication.
It widened then fell apart in my hands.
Is this a ca-ase for compensation?
 
So off I went to the store, hey Steve, there’s more
in search of new rings to end this story.
My desp’rate search led me on, to Am-a-zon
And somehow I bought a brown Midori!
 
Huh huh huh huh huh huh - OMG?

Hey Steve, it’s not the end,

but my stress has gone internal
With the refund I got today in the mail,
I now o-own a bullet journal!

So let it out and let it in, hey Steve, begin
to leave all your Filos for the ‘dark side’.
And don't you know that it's true, hey Steve, you do!
Their leather is made from some cow’s backside!

 
Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh, gag gag gag!
 
Hey Steve, don't be so sad
That the ClipBook is not much better.
Remember though Filofax isn’t bad
the latest Van der Speks are so much

better better better better better better, oh!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha, hey Steve
Ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha, hey Steve
Ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha, hey Steve
Ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha, hey Steve
Ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha, hey Steve
Ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha, hey Steve
(Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie, Stevie!)
Ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha, hey Steve
Ha ha ha ha ha ha, ha ha ha, hey Steve
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Monday, 24 November 2014

FILO-ANAGRAMS

OK, so I had a lot of time on my hands
I was goofing around with an online Anagram maker and, well, here are the results.....

I LOVE FILOFAXES
aloof evil fixes
alive fixes fool
evil fax floosie

STEVE MORTON
mentor votes
monster vote
motor events
motto nerves
otter venoms
rotten moves
stove mentor

FILOFAXUATIONS
affixation soul
fixations afoul
oxtail affusion

PHILOFAXY
foxy phial

RAY BLAKE
ably rake
balky ear
bar leaky
bleak ray
brake lay
la bakery
leaky bra
yak blare

JANET CARR
nectar jar

OCHRE MALDEN
almond cheer
anchored elm
calmed heron
charmed lone
cheer almond
cholera mend
chrome laden
chromed lane
chromed lean
clamored hen
clone harmed
cloned harem
coal herdmen
cola herdmen
colander hem
colder he-man
dehorn camel
drench a mole
enamel chord
handler come
harmed clone
held romance
herdmen cola
heron calmed
holden cream
horned camel
loch renamed
lone charmed
macho lender
melon arched
menacer hold
mend cholera
merlon ached
modern leach
mole ranched
nacho melder
nomad lecher
ochred leman
ohm calender
ranched mole
random leech
relend mocha
renamed loch
romance held

and a surprising one...

KATE SPADE
keeps data






source:http://www.ssynth.co.uk/~gay/anagram.html



Wednesday, 29 October 2014

Innovative Bullet Journal Symbols (for the bored and crazy)

Sometimes, bullet journaling just needs to get crazy!



PS - Filofax lovers will note a Malden mention - of course!



Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Do You Wanna Use a Filo?

Sung to Disney’s “Do You Wanna Build a Snowman” from Frozen
Kentfrom Oz's photo.
Steve: Kent?
Do you wanna use a Filo?
And plan ‘til you’re insane
You will not see me anymore
So close the door
You'll never be the same!
I used to use my iPhone
And now I don't
I wish you would tell me why!-
Do you wanna use a Filo?
It doesn't have to be a Malden.
Kent:
Go away, Steve
Steve::
Okay, bye...
(Knocking)
Do you wanna use a Filo?
And write down everything you do
I think some washi tape will look great
And its never too late
to own a Flex or two-
(Hang in there, Kent!)
It gets a little scary
Owning fifty three!,
Just watching my habit grow-
(Hole-Punch Hole-Punch Hole-Punch Hole-Punch Hole-Punch)
(Orchestral)
Steve: (Knocking) Kent?

Please, I know you're in there,
People are getting so concerned
They say "he’s mental", and “gone insane”
He’s bought another one, but can he see
That every time he opens it, he takes a sniff
And gently says it’s name!
Do you wanna use a Filo?








Monday, 29 September 2014

Package-Waiting Blues

(Sung to the tune of Tomorrow from the musical Annie)


The pack will turn up
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That my Filo
Will come soon!

Just thinkin' about tomorrow
Holding all that leather
In my two hands,
Makes me swoon!

When I think of the days
I wait
In ambush
For the postman to come
I strum
And pray!

My pack will arrive
Tomorrow
So I gotta hang on
'cause tomorrow's
On its way.....

Tomorrow
Tomorrow
I'll get it
Tomorrow

My filo's
A day away!!!!







Friday, 19 September 2014

You Can Teach an Old Malden New Tricks!

From my nephew Nick. He's a graphic artist. You can see Nicks other work at Www.nickrees365.tumblr.com